“I Know Someone With MS…”

When I tell friends, family, acquaintances, etc. what I’m up to these days (i.e., being a full-time caregiver for my husband while working full-time from home) it’s amazing how many people either have someone with MS in their family or know of someone with MS. What’s even more amazing, however, is how different each of their stories are.  Often how someone views the condition is directly related to who they know that has it.  For example:

“My friend’s sister has MS but they’re fine”

In this situation, they really have very limited information about MS because as we know, no one who has MS is “fine.”  Each MS victim struggles with something periodically, especially during periods of stress. Often they battle fatigue, heat sensitivity, weaknesses in functioning in some aspect of their lives either full-time or temporarily. So if the person you are talking to only knows someone who is “fine” then they have difficulty comprehending the nature of the condition and the potential restrictions imposed and may even wonder, “what’s the big deal?”  They just don’t get the condition.

“My cousin has MS and has to use a cane.”

If they know someone who has mobility issues, then they seem to have an idea that someone with MS has struggles to overcome on a regular basis.  They understand there are special needs and often associate MS strictly with mobility challenges.  Often they have no idea that MS can affect any function of the body either completely sabotagizing it’s ability to react normally or at the very minimum, creating an annoyance on a regular basis.  They have no idea that a person’s bowels, bladder, eyesight, memory, sensory stimulation, hearing, speech, eating, …you name it… can be affected. There is much they do not know but they at least have some insight.

“My sister has MS. What an awful condition.”

Once it’s in the family though, they realize just how devastating the condition can be.  They understand that the person with MS struggles each day to be “normal” to be able to have a “normal” day and fit in like everyone else. They realize that one minute the person may be fine but the next they are so exhausted they can hardly function and where before they could walk alongside someone, once they hit that point that fatigue takes over, they rarely can keep up. They know that some days they feel like a heavy weight is sitting on their shoulders and other times they are optimistic and hopeful.  They know that each new “odd” sensation raises the question of, “Is this an exacerbation?”  “If it is, how bad will it be this time and will it go away or linger?”

I see one of my roles as an MS Caregiver to be that of educating others. In the grocery store, at work, wherever I meet someone who asks about Lynn and his condition, I try to clear up misperceptions and provide insight into what MS is all about and most importantly, that it’s different for every person they will meet.  No two people with MS seem to be affected the exact same way.  Each MS person knows they are unique in their personal struggles but at the same time they are a member of a larger community who has to learn to cope each day with what that day brings. 

That’s one of the reasons why I write this blog, too.  I want those who read it to know there are common struggles but each person is unique. Don’t look at Lynn if you’ve just been diagnosed with MS and believe you will be wheelchair dependent and unable to fed yourself in less than ten years after being diagnosed because that is probably not the case. I tell anyone who listens that the only way to deal with MS is to take each day and each minute in that day for what it brings in that moment.  Don’t look too far ahead or focus on what was left behind; just do your best with what you have that day and keep the faith (literally) that God will give you the strength to carry on through one more day and one more triumph.

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About mscaregiverdonna

I am a full-time caregiver for my spouse who has Multiple Sclerosis while I try to work full-time, take care of our home, and handle any number of other functions that used to be shared by the two of us. I'm learning that it's amazing what you can do when you have to and when you have God to send you the resources you need to manage moment by moment.
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6 Responses to “I Know Someone With MS…”

  1. Kathy Risch says:

    I know what you mean It seems like I find and hear of more people with MS one thing I tell them is you have to rule it and not let it rule you and know that God will help you through each day if you let sometimes I never know what Dan is going to be like minute by minute and is hearing is going because what ever he is doing he has to really concentrate so if I talk to him he doesn’t hear me and then I get told no you didn’t say anything or tell him that he didn’t hear me it causes problems, sometimes as a Caregiver I feel what’s the use and then I pray to Our Lord and I feel better or talk to a friend.

    Date: Sat, 27 Oct 2012 04:28:59 +0000 To: r_dnk@hotmail.com

    • mscaregiverdonna says:

      I can totally relate to what you are saying. Lynn often accuses me of not saying something that I told him or he thinks he has told me something that he did not so I constantly get frustrated, as does he, regarding miscommunications. I often also have to take a few minutes to talk to God about my frustrations so I can get my peace back. Thank goodness we have him to rely on!

  2. jackie376 says:

    I lost my mother to MS and this is all very true. I always felt, and still feel, that no one really understands another person’s situation, no matter the similarities. MS affects everyone differently, just as all illnesses do. It can be very isolating when your loved one has MS. I feel for you and your husband, and I hope you find a lot of support and healing with all your writings. Thanks so much for sharing:)

    • mscaregiverdonna says:

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I am sorry to hear about the loss of your mother and appreciate your sharing your insights. God Bless. Donna

  3. So true. MS is so unique for each and every person. My husband, completely unable to do any ADL’s 12 years after diagnosis… that certainly wasn’t expected! People ask me all the time if we “knew” it would be this way. Or what the doctor’s prognosis is for my husband. I have to explain MS is completely unpredictable. He could stay this way for YEARS. Or, he could continue to steadily worsen. And while this is how MS has hit him, other people never EVER need a wheelchair. Some go in and out of needing one. Some go blind. Some don’t. Etc. MS is so frustrating.

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