Lord, please…

Over the past week, my concern has grown.  I walk into the room and see him sitting there.  His eyes are shaded in pain–not severe pain–more of an aching discomfort due to the broken skin on his coccyx. We’ve tried several types of patches to protect the area but one of them slide and broke the skin.  Then it happened again and more skin was torn.  Now he has an area that’s draining and sore on a place he has to sit all the time.  He can’t be comfortable in bed.  He has to sit up and peddle to relieve the stiffness.  He tries to lie in bed but he just can’t tolerate that for very long. Please don’t let this be the beginning of a difficult to heal bedsore (or in this case, seat sore).

Then there is that look of illness.  He feels miserable–you can see it in his eyes.  He tries to crack a joke but the sparkle doesn’t reach his eyes.  In fact his eyes look sunken and blood-shot.  Blood-shot from the terrible sinus congestion he has which makes it hard to breathe all the time. He has chronic sinusitis and uses 1/3 strength nose spray all the time to combat it but he has to have it at least ever hour.  Imagine how stuffy you feel with a cold and then imagine being like that most of the time.  It’s so miserable. Lord God, help him to breathe easier.

But that’s not what’s behind the look. He feels soooo bad. For months he was on a detox of sorts to try to heal “leaky gut syndrome” and we attributed his feeling bad to that.  Well he’s off the detox now.  Could this “bad” feeling be his reaction to taking the flu shot last week?  If so, why is it taking so long to get better?  Or is this just MS again, rearing its ugly head and making his life miserable?  Where is his quality of life if this is what he has to look forward to?  He tries so hard.  He eats well, exercises, tries to keep a positive outlook and stay active, but it’s so hard to remain hopeful like this.  He’s sick and tired of being sick and tired.  Lord, please show him mercy.

Then there’s the lab work.  I called to check on some lab work he had done two weeks ago.  His hemoglobin was 10.3.  In September it was 12.3!  Why did it drop?  I am hoping that the person who read it to me read an old report.  I’ve sent an email to his PCP to check the lab work since she didn’t order it so we can find out.  If it’s accurate, and I don’t think it is, then something else is really wrong.  I was convinced yesterday it was a mistake but the more I think of it, the more I realize he’s feeling worse and more tired.  His leg is spasming again too and it had stopped, or just about had, when his hemoglobin was up.  Lord, please don’t let that lab result be right because that means another specialist.  He has enough doctors.

He entered the hospital for the first time in his life a year ago this Sunday. During that admission, he was in and out of the ICU four times before he went home.  He’s been too sick the last two years to participate in Christmas and our goal is that he will be able to enjoy Christimas this year AND he will be able to remember it.  Please, Lord, let that come true. 

MS is a strange condition.  I know people whom you would never suspect have MS.  And then I know some like Lynn who seem to have all the symptoms.  I don’t know why it affects some worse than others but I do know it’s disappointing that so little research is being done to look at why it progresses faster in some than others.  I also am angry that there is no treatment for the progressive stages.  It’s like once that point is reached, they are written off.  At least that’s how it seems to me.

He’s calling me again to get him up.  He was able to stay in bed this time about 50 minutes.  I expect he will be up all night now.  Pray he feels better tomorrow.


About mscaregiverdonna

I am a full-time caregiver for my spouse who has Multiple Sclerosis while I try to work full-time, take care of our home, and handle any number of other functions that used to be shared by the two of us. I'm learning that it's amazing what you can do when you have to and when you have God to send you the resources you need to manage moment by moment.
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2 Responses to Lord, please…

  1. Thank you so much for sending out your messages so we can know.
    Please, Lord, in Jesus Name, we ask You.
    Our love, Teressa & Donnie

  2. Marilynn Rask says:

    my prayers and thoughts are with both of you.

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