Time or Just One Continuous Move Forward?

Are you the type of person who keeps a calendar and checks their watch several times a day?  I am.  Since I can remember, I have been a clock watcher. I always had a sense of what time it was and what day.  Not that I was always punctual but I always had my schedule somewhere in my subconscious. 

I’ve found that keeping track of time is one of the things that seems to be “slipping” as a priority now that I’m a full-time caregiver.  I don’t even wear a watch anymore! When I first started taking care of Lynn full-time (meaning doing almost everything for him) I tried having a schedule. I even wrote out a treatment schedule and recorded when I gave certain treatments and when I did catheterizations, breathing treatments, etc. After a few weeks, I found that was a task that was just not necessary. Things would get done when they got done.

Why this change in philosophy?  Mainly because being flexible is essential to survival.  When we get up is contingent on when we go to bed and how often he gets up at night. When we go to bed is determined by how many times I was interrupted by him during my work day which influences whether I stop working at 7 pm or, like tonight, at 11 pm.  When we eat depends on what needs to get done when and how hungry we are.  Sometimes I get up and shower, fix his breakfast and supplements, then fix my breakfast, help him with his exercises and then help him with tolieting.  Other days events happen in the reverse order.  Sometimes it takes two hours; sometimes more than three.  If I try to keep a schedule, it just produces stress and frustration.  I’ve actually started setting a timer if I need to call in for a conference call at work because I often have no concept of what time of day it is.  I guess that happens, too, when you actually, truly, never stop in a twenty-four hour period. 

Work twenty-four hours?  Everyday?  How can that be?  Well, when you think about it, the only time I’m not working at either being a caregiver, employee, or housekeeper, is when I’m asleep but I only sleep two 1/2 hours at a time usually before I have to get up and be a caregiver again.  I take a series of naps instead of sleeping straight through the night–sort of like being a new mom.  Sometimes I’m only up for 15 minutes; other times it’s 30-45 minutes.  Lately it’s usually just 15 or 20 so I’m getting more sleep than I used to but if you can’t go to bed and sleep straight through the night does that count as an actual night’s rest?

I know I get rest but I still feel like I’m on duty all the time.  I guess it’s like being a medical resident.  A medical resident works all day then is on call all night.  How much sleep they get is dependent on how much the patients need them.  They might catnap or they might sleep a couple of hours but they are always “on” and when the next morning rolls around, they are back to work, the same as if they had a full night’s sleep.  That’s me!

So for a caregiver, time is irrelevant.  It doesn’t matter what time of day it is or what day of the week; you are “on duty.”  Weekends are just another day, more or less; and 3 a.m. will often catch you doing what you did at 3 p.m. ….so who needs a watch?

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About mscaregiverdonna

I am a full-time caregiver for my spouse who has Multiple Sclerosis while I try to work full-time, take care of our home, and handle any number of other functions that used to be shared by the two of us. I'm learning that it's amazing what you can do when you have to and when you have God to send you the resources you need to manage moment by moment.
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